The sun was shining through the filthy, not-quite-wide-enough venetian blinds this morning as I lay in bed repeating my favorite Japanese phrases over and over again. I've found it to be a productive way to relieve stress these days. Sure, I could always punch a wall, or throw my cell phone through the window, but then I'd be out of a security deposit and a cell phone. Where's the sense in that?
My favorite phrases are the longer, more difficult ones, because they sound so cool when parroted back to someone who doesn't speak the language.
Watashi wa hon-o yomimashita
I actually got to use this one a few months back at the Laughing Skull Lounge. Maria Bamford was on stage, and asked if anyone in the audience could speak a foreign language. I raised my hand, along with a few other people in the room, and Bamford immediately turned to me.
Bamford: What other language do YOU speak?
Me: (sheepishly) Ja- Japanese.
Bamford: Could you say something in Japanese for me?
Me: Uh...Watashi wa hon-o yomimashita?
Bamford: What does that mean?
Me: "I read a book"
Then she segued into one of my favorite bits about languages. It was a brilliant performance, really. Bamford was firing on all cylinders that night, effortlessly cycling through her endless Rolodex of weird voices, poking fun at her Ultra Wasp-y family, and bringing back her dead-on, awe-insipring impersonation of Alicia Keys. Here's a pic from the show.
I'm not quite sure how a post about my obsessive compulsive need to repeat Japanese phrases in order to keep my ever present anxiety at bay turned into a review of Maria Bamford's stint at the Laughing Skull, but whatever.
I'm finding it increasingly hard to focus on any given task these days. Are the anti-depressants responsible? I'm quite sure they are, but what choice do I have? If I stopped taking the drugs, the haze would finally lift and I could focus on my creative endeavors, but the suicidal thoughts and intense self-loathing would return with a vengence.
What to do, what to do...